Terrible Poem #1

[Untitled]

Crying in agony over nothing

Being withdrawn for no reason

Wanting to be alone

Wanting to be silent

Hearing the words of others

Only dreaming of others

Screaming if disturbed without cause

Being outraged at privacy invaded

A loner always alone

A loner wanting to be alone

And a dreamer with dreams

Dreaming of you in my own world

Silent at heart

Wild at mind

Crazy at soul

Loving at all

A loner alone

Wanting to be alone

 

On top of the same page was written in different ink colour:

quietly, quietly

entering without care

forcing, forcing

newer thinking to care

 

This was during a period in my life that I was signing my poems as “Sparrow”. So, I am guessing this was around grade 9 or 10. At that time, in Canada, grade 9 was the last year of Junior High School and 10 was the High School Freshman year. Interesting to note that in Canadian High School, or mine at least, we only recognized Freshman and Seniors with titles and not the Junior or Sophomore years. But if you count them correctly, both would have been the same years. I had 3 years in Junior High, and 3 years in High. Plus, after I graduated I attended one more year of OACs. Anyone entering grade 10 that same year were also the last that would be required to take OACs as they revamped the Ontario system so all of our grades would transfer to out of province universities. I know that has nothing to do with the poem, but I thought it would help with putting the poem into a specific age and transition-of-life bracket for some people.

What stands out to me with this poem, and why I choose it to be my first Terrible Poem, is that despite the harsh emotional language of it, the premise still rings true to me today. If I am to retitle this poem today, I will have to call it “Intro: Version”. A little play on words there, but it works.

This week I am going to probably focus on why this poem is still relevant to me today, and how creepy that makes me feel. Introversion is a deep part of who I am as an artist and a writer. It is something that has taken a long time for me to understand, and for my family to accept. It has caused a lot of issues in my life, but I would never give it up for anything or anyone.

Sidenote: The picture is the one provided by WordPress as a placeholder and example with the blog theme. I liked it, so I kept it.

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